Campus Bike Laws Like US Foreign Policy with Cuba

Dear Campus Police,

Kindly, this past week, you warned the campus bicyclers of their boundaries.  And in appreciation of this altruistic behavior, I wish to help you understand why your actions are superfluous.

The prohibition of victimless crimes leads to deadweight loss (please, come over to the Economics department and I will be happy to explain this to you with fancy graphs and mathematical equations).  That is, by enforcement of your law, there is a portion of the net social benefit that neither you the policeman, nor us, the bicyclers, can attain.

Prohibition also leads to the reduction in the quality of a product, or in this case, the act of riding a bike.  For example, these restrictions will not deter bicyclers from biking innocently to where they need to study, it will only give them incentive to bike faster and more surreptitiously, leading to an increase in fatalities (or small scrapes) and a decrease in the attention they lend to operating their bicycles with efficiency.

Furthermore, the transfer of revenue from the bicycler’s pocket to the campus’ will place a financial burden on the average bicycler.  In the long run, the quality of the bikes we own will diminish because over time we will have less revenue to invest in their upkeep and maneuverability.

Also, I wish to comment on the placement of various bike racks that incite us bikers to inflict harm upon ourselves.  These bike racks are located in areas that we cannot legally access on our bike.  This is much like Americas immigration policy with Cuba.  We place an inhibiting trade embargo (no bicycling laws) on their country (campus).  It is extremely dangerous to cross the Florida Straits (space between ok zone and bike rack).  Yet, if the Cubans (the bikers) arrive on US land (the bike rack) they are given citizenship (allowed to park their bike).

These revenue-accruing acts that you are paid to carry out originated in medieval England.  The King learned that the punishment of victimless crimes was a great method to gain revenue.  These crimes were defined as acts that disturbed the Kings peace and permitted the sheriff to collect a fine.

I am aware we have only an interim King at the moment, though maybe you could explain to him, as I have to you, the negative externalities that arise from your duties.  Perhaps he will recognize your ingenuity and relieve you of such education-intrusive decisions.

Sincerely,

A concerned biker